I’m not positive when the last time I had all of my shit together was – and truly I’m not quite sure that it’s ever been fully intact. I mean, I got my first job as a dishwasher and I can recall a point at 15-years-old in which I had $500 in my checking account, a first-generation iPod and a six-pack, so I think that was the last time I felt even remotely confident in the state of my shit’s togetherness.
Then, over the years, that entity known as Adulthood stormed into my life, kicking and flinging my shit everywhere, like a bully destroying some feeble child’s sandcastle at the beach.
I get super motivated to get my shit together at least once a month. Sometimes that motivation lasts for a few days, other times it’s a couple of weeks, but I’ve yet to get over the hump and turn it into a full-blown, permanent lifestyle change. It’s like I’m stuck in some sort of irresponsible grown-up Hotel California, or what I like to call, The ‘Can’t Get My Shit Together’ Cycle, which goes a little something like this:
Usually I know good and well when I’m stuck in this ‘Can’t Get My Shit Together’ Cycle, which is actually bad thing. It’s like I grasp that my life is in shambles, but because I’m self-aware enough to know that a disaster is coming, it’s fine. Should I use this time to try to prevent a giant mess? Nah, I’ll just use this time to accept defeat and emotionally prepare myself for the stressful, giant mess instead.
Another frustrating thing that can happen when trying to get your shit together is feeling discouraged by the success of others, because that’s fringing on hating. ‘Bummed by another person’s achievements’ is basically the slightly less irrational stepsibling of a hater, and nobody wants to be associated with the Hate family – blood relative or not. Here’s an example of the ridiculous ‘Borderline Hater’s’ logic:
It’s really a terrible way to be, and on top of that it’s easy to convince yourself that literally everyone has their shit more together than you. That guy is wearing unwrinkled shirt, wish I had my shit together like that. That woman bought a Venti instead of a Grande and didn’t even hesitate, she must have her financial shit more together than I do. That homeless person has his filthy, matted, tattered belongings stacked so nicely in that shopping cart, his shit must be all the way TO-GETH-ER — unlike mine.
So, as always, I find motivation to try to break free of the cycle at some point. Today is one of those points. I’m enthusiastic, I’m energized and, I don’t wanna brag but I even paid a bill early and ate breakfast this morning, so, yeah. One of these days it’ll be the real deal, and who knows, perhaps this is the one? Maybe this is the time I refrain from hastily trying to gather all of the shit at once, and instead focus on handling as much shit as possible daily, until finally, I’ve got all my shit together.