Commitment. Oh Commitment, sometimes you’re a smidgen scary. Whenever you’re invited to do something, Commitment is lurking, hoping to get its tentacles wrapped tightly around you, suffocating you as you can barely part your lips to release a single, final syllable that ensures your defeat and engulfs you inside of Commitment: “YES.”
There are other options, though, and if you don’t panic or succumb to peer pressure, you can summon your savior. By speaking this term, your nemesis must go to battle with an incredible hero, known as The Word “Maybe.”
Maybe swoops in and punches Commitment right in the schnoz, causing it to release you from its grasps.
Now, if you’re dealing with a pushy, persistent friend, Commitment won’t give up at this point. It might try to attack immediately, forcing Maybe to continue to defend until it backs off. Or, Commitment might leave, but return later via a “Are you gonna go?” follow-up text, or phone call. You’ve got to be prepared to use Maybe repeatedly, under any circumstances — and don’t be bashful. Think of Maybe as your trusty, reliable, go-to Pokémon, the way Pikachu was to Ash.
Commitment won’t like Maybe at all. Have you ever seen an insect when it’s drenched by bug spray? It twitches, it spasms, it flips, rolls and tries to get away from something designed specifically to eliminate it. Well, Maybe is to Commitment as Raid is to roaches.
Look, the point here is that Maybe is the ultimate noncommittal term, and makes a perfect response when you don’t want to make promises, but also don’t want to decline. Like, why should we have to solidify plans when we don’t know what kinda mood we’ll be in, or if something more important will come up, or what’s going to be airing on TBS the day these plans arrives?
I mean, imagine saying “yes” to attending a birthday dinner a couple weeks in advance, but then the day of the dinner comes around, and an hour before it you see that Bad Boys II just began on TBS. Now you’ve got to walk away from one of those things, and it’s not gonna be the one that involves Will Smith being awesome.
Weddings? Baby showers? Social gatherings where there’s going to be food? Ok, I get it, you need a headcount so you know how many hotdog buns to buy. That’s all fine and dandy, but when it’s like, “Person-You’ve-Only-Met-Once-And-Didn’t-Care-For is having a little kickback thingy at his/her place Friday night, want to go?” you don’t need to make a pledge to be there immediately.
While Maybe works wonders, keep in mind that every hero has their Kryptonite, and Maybe’s weakness is on the spot, impromptu, RIGHT NOW invitations.
The problem with “Want to grab lunch right now?” or “A bunch of us are gonna go to happy hour right now, you down?” is that you have no time. Right Now demands a definitive “yes” or “no,” and renders Maybe’s powers useless. At this point, with old trusty Maybe in a broken, useless state, you’ve got to make a desperate attempt, or you’ll be in Commitments clutches within a matter of moments. You’ve got to improvise. Remember, good can always overcome evil, and the wicked Commitment is a beast that can always be slayed. You just have to assess the situation, and call upon a different hero to save you from those dreaded obligations… Even if it sounds like/is an excuse.